And they played all of them at SPAC last week. But it almost wasn't enough for me.
Since last December, I've worked earnestly to break the story on a comedic screenplay about boybands. For research, I've become something of a boyband connoisseur, and while I'll always cherish the New Kids on the Block for the memories we shared before I had hair on my chest, I much prefer Take That.
From NSYNC to Backstreet, East 17 to Westlife, I have bought dozens of albums, watched hours upon hours of music videos and concert footage, and taken a hip-hop dance class with Christine to learn how it feels to bust a move. But my favorite research acquisitions so far were Gary Barlow's autobiography and my imported Take That DVDs from Malaysia.
Inevitably, my experience at the NKOTB concert was filtered through the lens of Take That's more musically entertaining and successful reunion.
Take That, for those of you who don't know, were the British NKOTB, except even more impressive, because most of their hits were written by frontman Gary Barlow, and because they were the group that broke international pop phenom Robbie Williams.
Take That broke up in 1996, Robbie became one of the best-selling solo artists in history, and Gary Barlow ate his way to being a chunky father of two. But then in 2005, a stunning reversal. Gary slimmed down, Take That reunited as a foursome (sans Robbie) for a tour, they wrote a brilliant original album of Coldplay-style adult pop rock, and climbed all the way back to the top of the chart as a best-selling, award-winning band whose theatrical stadium tours rival the glitziest Las Vegas magic show.
Robbie Williams, who spent almost a decade talking shit about Gary Barlow, has flushed his life and career away while jumping on and off the wagon. Take That, a band he once left for dead, are more successful the second time around without him.
I enjoy Robbie's music, but I much prefer Take That's new material, now written not only by Gary but also by fellow members Howard, Mark, and Jason. It's competent, catchy pop that a) satisfies older fans who grew up with the band and b) has brought them a raft of new fans, including male audiences. Go ahead, watch this video. I dare you not to enjoy it.
The New Kids on the Block, perhaps smelling reunions in the air, got back together in 2008 and released The Block.
How does their comeback compare to Take That?
Financially, NKOTB seem successful. Due to the substantially larger American audience, I don't think Take That could beat NKOTB's numbers, since Take That only ever charted one hit in the USA ("Back for Good"). No matter what NKOTB do, women will come to their shows, drunk and screaming and happy.
But their new album, The Block, tries waaay too hard to appeal to an audience too young to have been fans of NKOTB between 1988 and 1994. The record sounds like a bunch of tracks rejected from the latest Timberlake project. We can't blame NKOTB for bad songwriting though. Unlike Take That, NKOTB never wrote their own material (their biggest hits are credited to Maurice Starr, the savvy mogul who put them together in the first place as a "white New Edition").
In fact, the only band member equipped to contribute in the studio is Donnie Wahlberg, with his now very dated-sounding raps. Fan fav frontman Jordan Knight once attempted to write and produce a song on-camera for the reality show Surreal Life, and more hilarity than melody ensued.
Since NKOTB were never known as songwriters, perhaps it is unfair to compare their new music to Take That. We should keep this about the concert and the performances.
Often accused of lip-synching, NKOTB have struggled to prove they're real performers. Everybody knows Donnie can't sing. Danny and Jon rarely show up in the vocal mix; I think their mics are switched off for most of the show.
At least Jordan and Joey have always tried their best to carry the group. Of those two, Jordan can still rock a mean falsetto, and in fact I'd say that falsetto is the only true talent he has left. Joey's vocals sound about ready to snap from too many years reaching for the same high notes he hit when he was a prepubescent 12-year-old.
Take That, on the other hand, can pull off four-part harmony without a backing track, and on record and live, all four members have feature songs to prove their vocal prowess.
But surely NKOTB have better dance moves. Jordan used to move around like Michael Jackson. Take That still play some songs with their original boyband 100% footwork intact, so NKOTB must pull some ill moves during "Step by Step" or "You Got It (The Right Stuff)"...
Except they don't. My date for night (my Mom) turned to me and said, "They look a little stiff." Stiff indeed. The only intact choreography was the standing-in-place doowop from "Please Don't Go Girl", not that you could pay any attention to it with Joey screaming bloody murder into the mic. Even the "Step by Step" steps were watered down into moves you could do wearing legbraces.
Compare that to Take That, who actually do more difficult choreography than when they were young.
So pound-for-pound, kick-for-kick, Take That's comeback has been more critically successfully, a bigger ticket seller, and an all-around more respectable effort than the NKOTB reunion.
While Take That have resurrected themselves as a national treasure and secured their place as serious musicians, NKOTB are a nostalgia act running on the fan vapor. The energy of the night dipped noticeably when they played their new songs — I'm sure most of the girls in the audience, even the ones in vintage NKOTB t-shirts, have not bought the album.
And then there's the men. Remember when I said that Take That had successfully broken the gender barrier to become a boyband for all people? No sign of that at the NKOTB show. Of the 15,000 or so people there, about 15 of them were men, and one of those 15 was me.
Such was the gender discrepancy that women were lining up inside the men's bathroom when the line for their own lavatory stretched too far. As I peed at a urinal, a wasted chick strolled up to the urinal three down from me, dropped her pants, squatted into it, and laughed and screamed and gave me a peace sign.
It was that screaming, peeing girl who made my night. After all these months of research, I know more about boybands than anyone should. And I picked the NKOTB apart more than anyone who isn't a record exec should. I could have ruined it for myself.
Maybe it was having my Mom with me, and seeing the kick she got from a bunch of 40ish men trying to sing like boys. Maybe it was seeing that girl peeing in plain sight in the men's room. Maybe it was the infectious charm of Donnie's hype-man act, or the fun of standing mere feet from Jordan and Jon as the girls flung bras and panties at them. Maybe it was the girls screaming — if you've ever been to a boyband show, it's all about the girls screaming.
As they bowed with "Hanging Tough", the New Kids on the Block weren't about being smart, they were about being stupid. I'd be a sucker to demand anything better. The show was plain dumb fun, you can't help but get caught up in the energy 15,000 screaming ladies. With that in mind, maybe I'll even start saving for next year's NKOTB cruise. But then again, that money would be better spent on a flight to the UK, to see Take That perform, and research how a boyband really becomes a band.
Thoroughly entertained by this post. And I agree, Take That have evolved to become more than a manufactured band. Awesome foursome.
Posted by: kay | June 23, 2009 at 04:59 AM